You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
