it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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