She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize