no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
