the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
