Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
