So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
