I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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