OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
