LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
