its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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