He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
