apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
