i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was confusing and full of hummus
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
