Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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