i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
