I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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