Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize