Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
