My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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