My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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