OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
