he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
