I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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