Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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