I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
