i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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