i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
