Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
don't judge my taste in strippers
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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