I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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