fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
