are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
