I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
