You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
