He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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