i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize