the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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