When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
