Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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