So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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