these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
