not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
