Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
only you would photoshop your dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
