you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
