Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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