i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
