You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Houston, we have a blender
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
