If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize