member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
