He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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