Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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