dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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