no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
