end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
