I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
