Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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