So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
