I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize