You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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