Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
