Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
