I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize