TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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