CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
