and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize