We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
