You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize