I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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