He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
