He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
