totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
