mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
