Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
