This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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