Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
