If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
