Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
