What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
