I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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