dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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