So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
