Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
