That's when you crack a 10am beer
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im six kinds of drunk right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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