it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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