i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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