I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In America we eat man semen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
