I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
