I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
