I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
