Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
