so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
