I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize