i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
