He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
