but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
