Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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