I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
