The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
vagina is talking i cant
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
