i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
