This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
