The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
