She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize